RyaikenDune's Archer's Murphy's Laws
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RyaikenDune's Archer's Murphy's Laws
CyrusKnyghtbane Wed Dec 22, 2010 1:18 pm
Found this on the archer forums a while back. It's fcking hilarious. Anyone who has an archer or has partied an archer should appreciate it. 
Basic Guidlines:
Murphy's Law: Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
Schnatterly's Law: Anything that can't go wrong will go wrong.
Peterman's Paradox: If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will go wrong.
Corollary of Murphy's Law: If a series of events can go wrong, they will go wrong in the order which will cause the most devastation.
Archer's Laws:
The Tarcher's Tale: When an archer finally gets to tank, and said archer has 'x' HP, the mob will allways hit for 'x' HP or more.
Kiter's Conundrum: Any attempt to run from a monster will result in the aggroing of one or more other monsters.
The Kiter's Catastrophe: Monsters can run through gates/walls. Can you?
Corollary to the Kiter's Catastrophe Law: If the mob can't run through a gate/wall, another monster, on the other side of the wall will get you.
Poisoner's Plea: The probability of a DOT sticking is inversly proportional to the HP of a monster.
Archer's Law of Mage partying: If you are tanking well, the mage goes ahead and life taps. If you are tanking badly, the mage pulls aggro with his best spells and then life taps.
Archer's Law of Cleric Partying: You can and will press Nature's Protection by mistake.
Archer's Law of Fighter Partying: Devastate misses. Mock trains. Archer ends up tanking.
Cast-Time Criticizm: By the time you have finished the cast time, your party hs killed the monster(s).
The Aim Ammendment: Aimed Shot can and will miss.
The DD's Deathblow: If your level is 'x', the level of the mage competeing with you for a party is 'x+1'
Exception to the DD's Deathblow: The DD's Deathblow Law no longer applies after level 60, where the level of the mage no longer matters. =D.
The Dexterity Deception: The probability of an archer dodging a hit is directly proportional to the HP he or she has.
Corollary to he Dexterity Deception Law: You'll never dodge a hit when the hit will KO you.
The Juggling Jest: When Archer One uses Nature's Protection, Archer Two will lag. When Archer Two uses Nature's Protection, Archer One will Lag.
The Starter's Sadness:Picking the short one in yellow will bring you nothing but misfortune.
The Law of Infinite Probablity:A single action has an infinite number of possible reactions.
The Archer's Corollary to the Law of Infinite Probability: All of them are bad.
The Lagger's Lament: The chances of lag happening is inversely proportional to the amount of HP you have left and directly proportional to the amount of mobs you have aggroed.
Corollary to the Lagger's Lament Law: If you don't lag in a KQ, chances are you will disconnect as you reach the boss mob.
Spirit Stealer: If you're full SPR, the mage will crit.
Corollary of the Spirit Stealer Law: Even if you're not full SPR, the mage will still Crit.
The Dodge Delay: You will never dodge till the cleric starts to heal you.
The Full-Dex Failure: A T2 aim scroll costs 1s.
The Crit Demoralizer: All archer victories are caused by crits.
The Protection Parody: Nature's Protection will always draw aggro onto the cleric.
Corollary to the Protection Parody Law: If there is no cleric in the party, then the figher will be in KO range when you use Nature's Protection.
Second Corollary to the Protection Parody Law: If there is neither a cleric nor a fighter in the party, the chances are the mage will have already teleported to Elderine on the slightes sign of trouble.
Third Corollary to the Protection Parody Law: If it's a party of archers, the archers will, with out fail, use Nature's Protection at the same time.
PvPer's 'Plaint: If an archer has won in PvP, it was because he dodged/crited and that was just Pure Dumb Luck (lol)
Isya's Rule of Incredible Irony: An archer can never kill anything at PVP. But he or she will somehow always manage to get his or her entire party killed when grinding. (Don't tell me you haven't done it before) >=-)
Pathetic Prestige! NEW
Gladiator Gripe: The probability of Tomahawk missing is indirectly proportional to the cool down of Dash.
The Entangler's Elegy: Fungal growth around the toes < Propelling self at inhuman speeds.
Holy Knight's Heresy: A move which takes the luck factor out of critical hits obviously belongs to clerics.
Blinder's Bemoanment: Unfortunately, there are no bottomless pits in Iysa.
Trapper's Tale: If they were blind, they wouldn't see it on the floor in front of them.
Corollary to the Trapper's Tale: Even if they aren't blind, the probably don't care anyway...
Failure Formula: The probability of a prestige skill failing to work is as follows.
P = (a^c/rst log dvq)^0 - 0.5
Where a,c,r,s,t,d,v,q are irrelevant numbers.
Height Horror: Unfortunately for archers, a fighter's armour is thickest at the groin.
Corollary to the Height Horror: Our height is also why we cannot shoot over blocks in pvp kq.
ARCHER T-SHIRT SLOGANS!!
-Note to all: I will kill stuff. If I pull aggro, then consider this a pre-mature 'Oops'
-I WILL DIE BECAUSE I CAN.
-If an Archer uses Mist, but nothing's in the cast radius, is it still poison?
-He who laughs last is invariably killed last.
-Yes I talk a lot during battles......BUT I STILL HAVE A CLASS ROLE....*cough*
-I'm with stupid. (He ACTUALLY partied me rofl)
-When outspark makes CS items tradable, Ima make gems by selling BoT to archers...
-I pulled Ducky off 3 level 59 tanks at level 46 and all I got was this lousy t-shirt and a burnt butt.
-It maybe a stick with a string tied to it...but I spent 2g enhancing it and now it's OWNAGE.
-Last night's beer party was a shame to all archers everywhere. The elderine baloons are currently being reinflated...
NEW!
-Feared by mages Isya-wide!
-I am two feet hear me roar!
-At least the arrows are free...
LOL
Hope you enjoyed. =)
Feel free to invent and post you own Laws. I'd appreciate it if some higer level archers posted some of the follies of Nature's Speed and Nature's Casting as well.
Credits: (READ THIS SECTION HERE!)
-Thanks to Windsinger (sorry, I don't leet) for the Lagger's Lament Law and it's corollary.
-Thanks to ILikePieLordOfKnives for the Aim Ammendment Law and the Kiter's Catastrophe law and it's corollary.
-Thanks to Lythari for the Law of Infinite Probablity
Basic Guidlines:
Murphy's Law: Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
Schnatterly's Law: Anything that can't go wrong will go wrong.
Peterman's Paradox: If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will go wrong.
Corollary of Murphy's Law: If a series of events can go wrong, they will go wrong in the order which will cause the most devastation.
Archer's Laws:
The Tarcher's Tale: When an archer finally gets to tank, and said archer has 'x' HP, the mob will allways hit for 'x' HP or more.
Kiter's Conundrum: Any attempt to run from a monster will result in the aggroing of one or more other monsters.
The Kiter's Catastrophe: Monsters can run through gates/walls. Can you?
Corollary to the Kiter's Catastrophe Law: If the mob can't run through a gate/wall, another monster, on the other side of the wall will get you.
Poisoner's Plea: The probability of a DOT sticking is inversly proportional to the HP of a monster.
Archer's Law of Mage partying: If you are tanking well, the mage goes ahead and life taps. If you are tanking badly, the mage pulls aggro with his best spells and then life taps.
Archer's Law of Cleric Partying: You can and will press Nature's Protection by mistake.
Archer's Law of Fighter Partying: Devastate misses. Mock trains. Archer ends up tanking.
Cast-Time Criticizm: By the time you have finished the cast time, your party hs killed the monster(s).
The Aim Ammendment: Aimed Shot can and will miss.
The DD's Deathblow: If your level is 'x', the level of the mage competeing with you for a party is 'x+1'
Exception to the DD's Deathblow: The DD's Deathblow Law no longer applies after level 60, where the level of the mage no longer matters. =D.
The Dexterity Deception: The probability of an archer dodging a hit is directly proportional to the HP he or she has.
Corollary to he Dexterity Deception Law: You'll never dodge a hit when the hit will KO you.
The Juggling Jest: When Archer One uses Nature's Protection, Archer Two will lag. When Archer Two uses Nature's Protection, Archer One will Lag.
The Starter's Sadness:Picking the short one in yellow will bring you nothing but misfortune.
The Law of Infinite Probablity:A single action has an infinite number of possible reactions.
The Archer's Corollary to the Law of Infinite Probability: All of them are bad.
The Lagger's Lament: The chances of lag happening is inversely proportional to the amount of HP you have left and directly proportional to the amount of mobs you have aggroed.
Corollary to the Lagger's Lament Law: If you don't lag in a KQ, chances are you will disconnect as you reach the boss mob.
Spirit Stealer: If you're full SPR, the mage will crit.
Corollary of the Spirit Stealer Law: Even if you're not full SPR, the mage will still Crit.
The Dodge Delay: You will never dodge till the cleric starts to heal you.
The Full-Dex Failure: A T2 aim scroll costs 1s.
The Crit Demoralizer: All archer victories are caused by crits.
The Protection Parody: Nature's Protection will always draw aggro onto the cleric.
Corollary to the Protection Parody Law: If there is no cleric in the party, then the figher will be in KO range when you use Nature's Protection.
Second Corollary to the Protection Parody Law: If there is neither a cleric nor a fighter in the party, the chances are the mage will have already teleported to Elderine on the slightes sign of trouble.
Third Corollary to the Protection Parody Law: If it's a party of archers, the archers will, with out fail, use Nature's Protection at the same time.
PvPer's 'Plaint: If an archer has won in PvP, it was because he dodged/crited and that was just Pure Dumb Luck (lol)
Isya's Rule of Incredible Irony: An archer can never kill anything at PVP. But he or she will somehow always manage to get his or her entire party killed when grinding. (Don't tell me you haven't done it before) >=-)
Pathetic Prestige! NEW
Gladiator Gripe: The probability of Tomahawk missing is indirectly proportional to the cool down of Dash.
The Entangler's Elegy: Fungal growth around the toes < Propelling self at inhuman speeds.
Holy Knight's Heresy: A move which takes the luck factor out of critical hits obviously belongs to clerics.
Blinder's Bemoanment: Unfortunately, there are no bottomless pits in Iysa.
Trapper's Tale: If they were blind, they wouldn't see it on the floor in front of them.
Corollary to the Trapper's Tale: Even if they aren't blind, the probably don't care anyway...
Failure Formula: The probability of a prestige skill failing to work is as follows.
P = (a^c/rst log dvq)^0 - 0.5
Where a,c,r,s,t,d,v,q are irrelevant numbers.
Height Horror: Unfortunately for archers, a fighter's armour is thickest at the groin.
Corollary to the Height Horror: Our height is also why we cannot shoot over blocks in pvp kq.
ARCHER T-SHIRT SLOGANS!!
-Note to all: I will kill stuff. If I pull aggro, then consider this a pre-mature 'Oops'
-I WILL DIE BECAUSE I CAN.
-If an Archer uses Mist, but nothing's in the cast radius, is it still poison?
-He who laughs last is invariably killed last.
-Yes I talk a lot during battles......BUT I STILL HAVE A CLASS ROLE....*cough*
-I'm with stupid. (He ACTUALLY partied me rofl)
-When outspark makes CS items tradable, Ima make gems by selling BoT to archers...
-I pulled Ducky off 3 level 59 tanks at level 46 and all I got was this lousy t-shirt and a burnt butt.
-It maybe a stick with a string tied to it...but I spent 2g enhancing it and now it's OWNAGE.
-Last night's beer party was a shame to all archers everywhere. The elderine baloons are currently being reinflated...
NEW!
-Feared by mages Isya-wide!
-I am two feet hear me roar!
-At least the arrows are free...
LOL
Hope you enjoyed. =)
Feel free to invent and post you own Laws. I'd appreciate it if some higer level archers posted some of the follies of Nature's Speed and Nature's Casting as well.
Credits: (READ THIS SECTION HERE!)
-Thanks to Windsinger (sorry, I don't leet) for the Lagger's Lament Law and it's corollary.
-Thanks to ILikePieLordOfKnives for the Aim Ammendment Law and the Kiter's Catastrophe law and it's corollary.
-Thanks to Lythari for the Law of Infinite Probablity
CyrusKnyghtbane- Posts : 13
Join date : 2010-12-21
Age : 37
Location : Shhh, it's a secret
Laggity lag lag
Rie Rie Wed Dec 22, 2010 2:18 pm
loveeee these. i remember you sent them to me too, and i've read through them a ton.
they're still in my bookmarks ;3
they're still in my bookmarks ;3
Rie Rie- Posts : 7
Join date : 2010-12-21
Age : 31
Location : under the dresser
Re: RyaikenDune's Archer's Murphy's Laws
CyrusKnyghtbane Wed Dec 22, 2010 2:24 pm
Yeah, these things are awesome. I still read through them every now and again. xD
CyrusKnyghtbane- Posts : 13
Join date : 2010-12-21
Age : 37
Location : Shhh, it's a secret
Re: RyaikenDune's Archer's Murphy's Laws
Guest Sat Jan 01, 2011 1:10 pm
That's hilarious..and so so true at the same time xD
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